8 EGO Traps with Emotional Intelligence - Ego Trap Eight: Relapsing Back to Your Old Ways

Unfortunately, there is only one “sin” greater than falling into any of the Ego Traps — it’s called an ego relapse—the damaging descent from newfound emotional intelligence skills, right back into an ego pitfall. Ego Trap 8 is triggered when a leader shifts from high-ego to high-EQ behavior—demonstrating the potential to be self-aware, empathic, and self-disciplined—only to slip back into the same high-ego behavior exhibited in the past. Others see that the leader is capable of change when he or she is focused and motivated to do so; the leader proves him or herself capable of acting sensitively and using self-control and situational awareness. Until he or she doesn’t. This sends a message to others that the leader is choosing to act with low EQ. This in turn leads to a credibility breech so deep that team members no longer trust and believe in the leader. If perception and loyalty were on the line before changing, there are even more important things at stake for sustaining it.

About the author:

Jen Shirkani is the CEO of Penumbra Group and has spent over 20 years as an employee development specialist, coach and speaker. She lives in New Hampshire US with her two daughters where she oversees a national talent management firm, providing training programs, organizational development consulting and executive coaching. She holds a Master's Degree in Organizational Leadership and has been a featured speaker at several national and state conferences, universities, and at dozens of organizations nationwide. Learn more about Jen at www.jenshirkani.com and www.penumbra.com.

8 EGO Traps with Emotional Intelligence - Ego Trap Seven: Losing Touch with the Front Line Experience

As a leader, it is all too easy to become disconnected from the troops. The contrast between the frontline environment and the physical surroundings of the average executive—mahogany offices, dining-room-sized conference tables, and private gyms or private jets—is one reason. Then consider the contrast in the nature, complexity, and seriousness of the work, such as strategy planning and executive staff meetings – and it makes it easy to forget what’s going on below. The demands on a senior leader to be focused on strategy planning and budgets makes it easy to take their eyes off the organizational culture and lose empathy for those who have to execute their plans.

About the author:

Jen Shirkani is the CEO of Penumbra Group and has spent over 20 years as an employee development specialist, coach and speaker. She lives in New Hampshire US with her two daughters where she oversees a national talent management firm, providing training programs, organizational development consulting and executive coaching. She holds a Master's Degree in Organizational Leadership and has been a featured speaker at several national and state conferences, universities, and at dozens of organizations nationwide. Learn more about Jen at www.jenshirkani.com and www.penumbra.com.

Emotional Intelligence and Leadership

8 EGO Traps with Emotional Intelligence - Ego Trap Six: Underestimating How Much You’re Being Watched

Everyone watches what the leader does. That isn’t an ego trip; it’s a fact. As a leader in an organization, their behavior—for good or for ill—is the primary example by which everyone else acts. People will follow the leader’s manners, conduct, even writing or presentation style. That’s not a bad thing, necessarily. But it’s a bad thing to underestimate it. Whether it’s the time he or she arrives at work, the way he or she signs off emails, or the accolades he or she gives or neglects to give to team members at the year-end party, employees are watching the leader. While many leaders know in a general sense that others are observing and reacting to them, they are often surprised at the degree of detail to which employees zero in. Simple statements and actions often take on great weight when it’s the leader who’s making them. Why? Individuals want to please the leader, out of deference and respect, and because their jobs depend on it. 

About the author:

Jen Shirkani is the CEO of Penumbra Group and has spent over 20 years as an employee development specialist, coach and speaker. She lives in New Hampshire US with her two daughters where she oversees a national talent management firm, providing training programs, organizational development consulting and executive coaching. She holds a Master's Degree in Organizational Leadership and has been a featured speaker at several national and state conferences, universities, and at dozens of organizations nationwide. Learn more about Jen at www.jenshirkani.com and www.penumbra.com.